1. |
Night
03:06
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I was invited
Who am I to not show up
They say it’s my party
But they’re filling the room with my fuck up's
The music is blaring
Telling me to let my trouble’s go
But this smile’s taxing
I’ve never felt so alone
And though I’m young and I’m
Supposed to feel alive
The night is when my demons
Seem to thrive
And so I take a breath
And I try and try
But my heart gets lost
Between the night and I
“You’re right on time”
They’re pushing me into the spotlight
“You chose to be here”
And who am I to fight if they’re right?
And so I pack myself
Into the corners of rooms
Leave the mangled truth on a shelf
Tell myself that dawn is soon
And though I’m young and I’m
Supposed to feel alive
The night is when my demons
Seem to thrive
And so I take a breath
And I try and try
But my heart gets lost
Between the night and I
And when the party lights are over
And my skin is etched with what they scream
There’s nothing left around here
But the barren wasteland of my dreams
Though I’m surrounded
Well, it’s emptier than it seem
Though I’m surrounded
Well, I’m emptier than I seem
[chorus]And though I’m young and I’m
Supposed to feel alive
The night is when my demons
Seem to thrive
And so I take a breath
And I try and try
But my heart gets lost
Between the night and I
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2. |
Two Clenched Fists
03:42
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Where does it go from here
All of the pain and
All of the fear
Where do I lay it down
Now that I’ve said
My peace has been found
How do I forget
How do I move on
How do I say I’m sorry
For all the years I was wrong
How do I put the past down
I said it was gone
I never imagined
The pain would be this strong
I wanted a different life
I wanted it easy
I wanted to be someone’s wife
I wanted what they told me
And if just for one minute
Someone else could hold me
How do I forget
How do I move on
How do I say I’m sorry
For all the years I was wrong
How do I put the past down
I said it was gone
I never imagined
The pain would be this strong
I feel like I’m two clenched fists
Always wanting just to let go
But always waiting for the next blow
And I never asked for this
You put me on a pedestal
I just want to be still
How do I forget
How do I move on
How do I say I’m sorry
For all the years I was wrong
How do I put the past down
I said it was gone
I never imagined
The pain would be this strong
I wanted a different life
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3. |
The Quiet Hour
05:47
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I can’t see
In more ways than one
The night has taken
The light from my lungs
I can breathe in
But there’s a hitch
Life has taken
So much
In my bones
A heaviness forms
I guess I should sleep
If it ever comes
But then I’m thinking
Of everyone I’ve loved
Who closed their eyes
And never….
And in my soul
I planted a garden
And deep in the roots
Is all this love
What do I do with it
What do I do with it
Even when I cough
I’m bringing up darkness
There’s dirt crumbling past my lips
But I’m learning to see
All the hurt I’m trying
To get out of me
Is just grief, it’s all grief
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4. |
Same Ghosts
04:11
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Catch me through the glass
Saying goodbye for the thousandth time
After all these years have passed
Still trying to figure what to do with the pain of mine
Here we are facing the same ghosts
I’m just looking out the window
Never learned how to deal with this
I’m hanging onto it
Maybe the chapter closes now
I’m not ready for how that sounds
Maybe I should have said goodbye ages ago
But where do I go from here
Maybe I’ll see you again
Maybe, how will we know then
Maybe I’ll let this all go
We both know I won’t
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5. |
A Garden
03:01
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Last spring, I planted a garden
Believed it would withstand time
But the frost creeped in, without a warning
And all I’ve lost once was mine
Now I stand, on diggers land
Freeze my hands and freeze my soul
The seeds I planted, never stood a chance
Sewed deep in spoiled soil
But if I could, I’d grant them life
In this world without a choice
Though I water, though I care
The endless turning brings us back here
Even if I bloom, I’ll know soon
The end comes quicker than you’ll see
I’ll hope, I’ll pray, I’ll try to stay
But even the brightest hope is hard to keep
So here I stand, in no-man’s land
Seemed safe in light but haunts the night
But with the sun, I’ll plant again
Sew some softness in this fight
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6. |
Stars
06:21
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When the sun goes down
And the night is full of shadows
Only streetlights
Fill the corners
And I walk alone
With no one by my side
And I feel the shame
But there’s one thing to look up to
There are stars
The smallest moments of brightness
And I hold them dear
To bring me back to life
Even when it seems like there’s nothing left
There is this
Lessons folded up in my pocket
From all the nights before
I crawled my way out once
I can do it once more
Even thought it hurts, and I’m blinded by the night, I stay grounded
I stay right here
I know the sun will rise again
But until then
There are stars
The smallest moments of brightness
And I hold them dear
To bring me back to life
Even when it seems like there’s nothing left
There is this
And I try and I try to keep my eyes
On the brightest parts during all these nights
While I lie to myself
And I tell myself
That I won’t spend another night fearing the end
I will face the sunrise
And I keep my eyes on the horizon
And I hope
That’s all I have
There are stars
The smallest moments of brightness
And I hold them dear
To bring me back to life
Even when it seems like there’s nothing left
There is this
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Stephanie Hayward Toronto, Ontario
Stephanie Hayward is a musician based out of the Toronto, Ontario area. Creating mostly acoustic tunes for the meantime, she hopes to one day create the type of music that people can relate to and find their own stories within.
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